i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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