Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
