Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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