She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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