Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize