You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
