This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's always time for handjobs
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
