i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
