who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
