I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
