Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
