You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
