I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
