sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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