he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
