Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
