i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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