once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize