Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
