Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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