She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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