Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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