dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
