So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
