imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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