More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
