My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
