I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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