i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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