My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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