I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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