I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
