she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So much rum. So many feels.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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