dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Michael Bay diarrhea
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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