sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize