Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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