She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
