Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
