I love black thongs
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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