The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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