You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
