I wanna passion pit in your ass
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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