i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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