I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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