If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
