what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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