I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
