I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
