My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
