I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
