sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I lost the right to judge tonight
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
