I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
