I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
