yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
