if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
