AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This toilet bowl is my home.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
