i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
my poor anus
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
