It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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