ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
