my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
