she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
