My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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