Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
