my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
