I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
