I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
