Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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