JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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