I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize