Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Its about making memories worth repressing
this boner is exhausting
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
organizing the empties. That sober.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
