i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
