Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
