Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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