I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
