I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
