My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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