there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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