Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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