haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
