After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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