2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
