doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
