i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
