Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
