Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
PANTIES FOUND
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