Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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