Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
