hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
