her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
