how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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