I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
