remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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