please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize