2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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