R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
