it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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