You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
