This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
