Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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