If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize