Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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