oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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