Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
