Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
