I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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